where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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