can we get nightvision for the apartment?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
