Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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