Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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