is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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