just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
