sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
