My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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