roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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