U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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