just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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