Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
