What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
