Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
