My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Are my feet made of real feet?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
