Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
