I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
