I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
