i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
