Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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