You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Enjoy the penises
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
