dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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