They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
