One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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