I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
