Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
