Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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