I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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