Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
