she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
