I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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