my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
