I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I will be naked everywhere
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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