there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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