I wish I could teleport
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
