Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
