I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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