I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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