she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
