yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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