tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
