I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
