im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
