Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
