You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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