So drunk its hurt
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
