Your dad touched me again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
