the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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