apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
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Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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