My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize