you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
