Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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