I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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