the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
