shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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