i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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