I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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